I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
