i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
