omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
