so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though