Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
