I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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