Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.