Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.