but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.