Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
