Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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