Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
