His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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