God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Girls should come with a carfax report
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
