when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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