My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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