I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
wow bdsm is so cute
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
