peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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