Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
