they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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