did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
