he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
