ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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