Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think my moral compass just broke
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