sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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