How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
