plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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