An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
