Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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