The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
