her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
