ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
