Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
