mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
