you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
