just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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