I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
