She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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