When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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