and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize