mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize