Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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