i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
