That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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