I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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