He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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