I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
