I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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