I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
