Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this boner is exhausting
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
