wanna go halves on a baby?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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