I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
