I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
