i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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