Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
