but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
