pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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