I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
