I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He kissed a someone with a penis
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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