Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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