The best revenge is premature balding
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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