Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
