so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
