don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
