Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
