We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i think we sleep fucked last night...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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