Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
