I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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