I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
