My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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