got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
