I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
