:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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