yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We need to rekindle our bromance
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
