I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
