Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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