it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
