Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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