So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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