Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
