I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize