Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
