Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
