awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
