I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
