too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
