shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
