he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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