It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want her autograph on my taint
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
