An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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